Reflective letter(Draft one)

----This is my saving grace, a letter in which I wish to redeem myself of my biggest dilemma within my writing past. In my papers, such as my first, Bacon's Rebellion and second essay, a New Jersey loyalists, which you’ll be able to reread in this portfolio, I struggled with my voice. I knew what I wanted, what I wanted to portray and in my head it would flow perfectly , even spoken verbally from that thought it would sound precise and to point. But then when entering it into my writing, getting it from my words into the words on the paper, was like a jump, no a flailing fall into a pull of doubt and insecurity. This would be my weakness, possibly my only most prominent one besides the occasional grammar issue. My strengths I see in my creative points which I get from insightful connections, at least that’s what I like to think. My points for me are more revelations, true beliefs then a basic fact, and this for me, to me makes my writing me. Being put in this program was unexplainable; the process impacted me in several different ways, there was the trial process, the results, the post stress combined with finding a solution, and now the solution.
----When faced with our first writing assignment there was so much to comprehend, “They say, I say” with the templates, and the placement of my voice throughout the paper. It was a way of writing that seemed almost opposite than what I had been taught. We did the research process backwards. My past assignment seemed like nothing compared to what they were asking. I had mental breakdowns from time to time which seem some what normal for my first pressure of a college level assignment. I realized quickly ,stress played a big part on hindering my writing. I met with Craig a few times who would help me get back on track, calm me down so I could focus. We both quickly realized I like to overdress my writing with pointless phrases and explanations, we caught that fast and it decreased a good amount as time went on. For me this first essay was one of those feelings where wrong is right and right is wrong and you see absolutely no black and white. Like everything was white until Craig stated other wise, which means I felt like I was just messing up at every turn, because what I thought was right, was found to wrong. With lots of time with Craig to work through things, I was able to pass the first essay with a 79% from Craig, which I viewed as reasonable, with my biggest flaw remaining in my vague word choice, and the word choice that seemed to essay and not enough of my voice. I had worked hard; it wasn’t perfect, that I knew. This even in a way gave me confidence, and maybe I was stupid to feel so sure about myself at least that’s what the second essay proved.
-----For the second essay, It flew by me. I was given an essay with a subject to be a loyalist from the New Jersey, and I started it with confidence. My stress level was peaking, which couldn’t of been good and I think my brain might of somewhere shut down along the way. My grammar was poor, words had been skipped, and I was not descriptive enough and too descriptive at other points. A line I was still obviously struggling with. The grade on this paper was much lower, and at the time of writing it, I felt I did good , felt my voice was better represented but I think I let my self slack in other areas and the worse thing was that I didn’t notice. I let the stress get to me and it showed, that was a big lesson in its own.
------Now, in this reflective letter which I hope is easily understood and well flowed, I’m wishing to represent my writing at a proficient peak. I see stress as my biggest issue, it’s the same in my drill routines where I can work on a routine for five hour straight and get no where, done it numerous times. Its something that I wish I had a chance to redeem myself and I hope on our final, which is in this portfolio, I did. This writing experience has opened my eyes, showed me a real way of writing , one that I’m still adapting to but one I can respect and call real. My struggles are with my stress, and my voice but I feel confident that this is getting better and it’s something I can improve. I’ve learned to recognize my faults and some were easier to fix, some not so much but all have a solution.